The Joy that Follows Suffering

Well, God has given us yet another blessing out of our sorrow. First, we found out my headache and dizziness problem was a result of a new migraine trigger - movement. We are now working on this with physical therapy, and things are getting better. We are thankful for answers and thankful that we can work through this.

The blessing and joy that follows suffering is another baby! Talk about a shock to us and my doctor. We actually found out about it at a follow up exam on February 1st. We all have been praying and waiting these last two weeks, and we did a sonogram this week and baby is doing extremely well with a strong heartbeat. We have another sonogram in three weeks so that we can keep on monitoring things, but we are all trusting God to keep the baby healthy and strong. Please keep it in your prayers. We are all excited. We really would love to finally get our other girl, but if God gives us a boy, we are just thankful for a wonderful addition to our family. Lilly will just be surrounded and well protected. Yes, we already pretty much have the name set if it is a girl (we have had this name on standby for quite a while now), and we also, with a lot of searching, have a potential boy name as well just in case. Regardless, Baby Sersaw is due October 12, 2012. I guess I will need to sit out from a busy orchestra schedule for a while longer unless I can find something closer to home. I am not complaining though. I am enjoying this time of having the time to practice and polish.

As I sit back and think about the last two months, I still wonder why God. Why did we have to go through what we went through? The loss of a child is indescribable until you have gone through it yourself. It does not matter if it is via miscarriage or later in life, it still is the loss of someone dear to you. I will say that talking through it does help with the healing. Every once in awhile, tears will come, but there is also a joy and an eagerness knowing that one day we will all be united in Heaven. Won't that be a wonderful time? These last two months have been a time of growth for me personally. I have grown closer to God, more aware of those around me, rearranged my life, dropped some responsibilities and picked up on some things that are more what God would have me do at this point in life, and I also have realized that I do have a lot of friends and a lot of people that God has put in my life. I hope that I can also be there for others in their times of suffering as well.

God has shown us time and time again that joy does always follow suffering. No matter how much you want to give up during times of trials and suffering remember that God is still in control. He is always on Plan A, and He is always going to get you through it no matter what. Also remember that eventually  you will have joy again. Sometimes God lets circumstances come into our lives in order to draw us closer to Him. Even when everything else fails you, He never will. Your personal relationship with Christ is the most important relationship that you will ever have. With God, all things according to His will are possible, and God does bring about miracles and blessings sometimes at times when you least expect them. Hopefully, the testimony of what God has done and is doing in our family helps show this.

When God allows your world to be rocked

It has been a while since I have written on here. God has been taking care of us. We have a wonderful home now, and of course Brian loves his job. We are very thankful. We never realized how crucial this job would come in when it came to health insurance though. Brian is finally seeing doctors who are working on getting his condition under control. He sees a specialist towards the end of this month who will finally address everything in a three to four hour appointment! We have been waiting for this for years. We thought surely God gave Brian this job to provide for us and for Brian to finally be able to get to good doctors. We never could have imagined that I would be the one in need of medical attention.

We had prayed a lot and talked a lot and had decided to try one last time for another girl. Lilly is very lonely as the only girl and is always praying for a baby sister. We had considered adoption, but God just has not led us in that direction. I remember what it was like to be the only girl, and I totally understand how she feels. She is in a house full of boys. God blessed us, and we found out we were expecting around November just before Thanksgiving which meant a due date in July. We were excited. I got really sick during Thanksgiving and we thought nothing of it. Had we known what we know now, we probably would have rushed me to the doctor. Anyway, all was going fine pregnancy wise as far as we knew, and I went to my doctor appointment on December 14th expecting a normal pregnancy check up. They ran a sonogram, and as soon as I saw the screen, I knew something was wrong. We couldn't find the baby or a heartbeat. So they did a more specific ultrasound and we found the baby (very tiny) but still no heartbeat. The doctor assured me all should be fine and maybe dates were just off, and that we would check again the next week. Somewhere deep inside, I knew something was not right. I kept asking God why and what are you trying to teach me? We prayed and prayed about this and thought it was your will and now you are going to take it away?

This was all during the big Christmas performances at First Baptist Atlanta. I was not feeling well, but I insisted on playing anyway. I had some issues develop on Thursday the 15th and went back to the doctor on Friday the 16th. They said they could not say 100% what was going on and to go on strict bed rest. I did get permission to play First Family Christmas though. I played Friday night and both performances on Saturday. I was feeling a lot of pressure during the second performance on Saturday though. When we finished, I stood up and knew something was wrong in a very serious sense. We ended up having to call an ambulance to the church, and I was rushed to the emergency room. After lots of testing, it was deemed that we were losing the baby (who they think actually died at 6 weeks gestation around the time I was sick at Thanksgiving). They were very concerned as I was losing way too much blood, so we made the difficult decision to use a medication to help things along, and it was the safest way to make sure I had no internal damage and could carry a child again if God ever blessed us again. Afterwards, they sent me home and kept me on bed rest. We went through all the emotions of fear, grief, sadness, anxiety, etc. I actually had a fear of playing the violin because it all really happened while I was playing, and I was just really afraid of memories. I went back to the doctor on December 20th, and he said all was fine, and I was totally healthy, but my iron counts were low thus explaining weakness, lightheadedness, dizziness, and headaches. He said give it some time, and all should equal out but to call him if things did not change. I am very thankful for all the loving and caring friends who helped us during that time from my orchestra family who encouraged me to play the Wednesday night Lord's Supper service to the choir who also supported us by providing a meal as well as all the others who provided meals. I also had two great friends who listened to me whine, complain, and just voice all of my emotions. God gave me the right friends in the right place at the right time.

We had thought the miscarriage was all we were dealing with, but that was not to be the case. My dizziness, lightheadedness, and headaches did not go away. In fact, they were worsening. My doctor said that that it had been too long and wanted me sent back to the ER on January 5th. This was just almost three weeks after the miscarriage. We all thought it was a blood issue such as my iron counts just being low, but when they ran tests, everything came back fine. Then they said it was time to check for other issues. We did an EKG, CT, etc. I was given some strong medications for vertigo and pain and was sent home. Unfortunately, the medications only controlled the symptoms to a point, and things did not get better, so I was sent to a neurologist. He ran more blood work to make sure there was not some sort of deficiency that the ER did not test for, but as far as we know, all came back totally fine. He has now ordered an MRI for the 21st of January. He wanted me off all medications because he did not want my symptoms masked. I have been having slight memory, speech, processing, reflex, and of course equilibrium issues (not visible to the naked eye but he detected them when talking with and examining me). He wanted to make sure that nothing was a side effect of the medication. However, once I was off the medications, I could not make it for even a 24 hour period. The dizziness was unbearable and the headaches intolerable. He ended up having to call medications in for me. The medications help control things so that I can function. I am not pain free or dizziness free, but I am not bedridden.

It is scary knowing something is wrong and no one having any answers yet. I have noticed subtle differences in things like formulating thoughts into words when speaking, forgetting things a bit more often than normal, and a change in how my brain is processing information. In college, dictation was not my favorite subject. I could do it, but it was not as easy for me as ear training and regular academic courses. Now, if I hear a piece of music, I can take it and literally write out the entire violin part in my head. I would try to put it down on staff paper to see how accurate I am, but mine is still packed somewhere. Rhythm also is more pronounced for me -- it has always been my weakest area musically speaking. While these changes are in the long run good, they also are sort of freaky. The doctor has me focusing on things when I am dizzy or overwhelmed by stimuli. For example, a house with seven kids can get loud at times. They have me putting on noise cancelling ear pieces and listening to music on my mp3 player. It keeps me focused and able to handle things going on around me. I will lose my temper very quickly as everything is amplified and echoes through my head. Our poor kids have been extremely helpful and patient with me. I am not supposed to drive, but when I do the few times that I must, they have me focusing on license plates, etc. When walking, they have me focusing not on my feet, but on a point on the floor ahead of me or something. It isn't that I am ignoring people. They are just trying to keep my world from spinning. Listening to music has become a way of dealing with it all. I probably have the mp3 player on 90% of the day. Practicing violin has been tough because I am used to practicing standing up, but I cannot do that. It is hard to stay focused, but I have been trying to have brief practice sessions. Of course, my only problem is when playing in things like orchestra the brass section and choir echo through my head. It is like I have a giant microphone in my head. I have to make a choice between watching the conductor or the music. If I do too much of looking up and then down, my world will start spinning, and I will no longer be able to focus. I just want answers of course and a solution. There is a chance that somehow something happened causing something to spark a problem in the part of the brain that controls things like equilibrium. It could be a rare side effect from the med they used in the hospital, to a blood clot going the wrong way, to just a reaction to the craziness of hormones that happens after a miscarriage. We may never know an exact cause. We will know for sure if anything has happened when they do the MRI. If so, according to the neurologist, it is fixable. We will just have to train the brain to work around the area. If they cannot find anything on the MRI, then the neurologist will work on trying to find a way to get things under control, do further testing, figure out what in the world is going on, and get it resolved. He said if he can find nothing on the MRI and further testing, he will probably start tackling it like they do very severe headaches (the ones that require medical injections) and go along that route of treatment to see if it would clear everything up.

Never would we have thought that God would walk us down this path. I have asked Him why on several occasions. Why the miscarriage? Then why couldn't it just be the miscarriage and why now this issue too? The answer has always been a subtle Just trust Me. He has taught me total dependence on Him. I took my good health and easy pregnancies for granted. Yes, I have had headache issues in the past, but we knew what they were caused by and they were controlled. I pretty much was in control of my life. I could handle things. Was I really letting God? No. Do I have times where I am still questioning Him? Of course. I would not be human if I did not. Despite everything going on, I do have an inner peace that everything is going to be ok, and we will make it through this season in life as well.

When God allows events into our life that seem to rock our world, we have two choices. We can get angry at God and reject Him, or we can trust Him and know that he is always working on Plan A and will not leave us to walk through our times of trial alone. We do not have to understand why He allows things to happen, but we do need to trust Him. He will bring us through to what is best for us. --Jennifer

How God Works -- Keep Trusting God even if He is silent for years (September 11, 2001 - September 11, 2011)

The title of this blog post is really the story of our family. God has done some miraculous things for our family this year, and I am finally taking the time to write it all out while listening to a great CD in the background. 

I think our last blog post was about all that God had taught us last year in May when we were in limbo house wise and were having to stay in a hotel. We learned so much about other people and saw things that we may have never seen otherwise. Well, this last year has had its ups and downs. Yes, we were thankful for the house that God had given us, but it also had some serious issues. God definitely used it to teach us even more about what to look for in houses and more sources to check including the backgrounds of those with whom you are doing business. It has also been a tough year financially. Living on just Brian's VA disability benefits a month is extremely tough if not impossible. It was tearing him down and depressing the entire family. It wasn't like he wasn't trying to provide for his family. He could not find any gainful employment that he could do regardless of both his ministry degree and education degree. Meantime his back was getting worse, and we were getting nothing but a run around from the VA doctors. We also knew that we would eventually have to move as the house we were renting foreclosed July 5th (long story). Yes, we constantly prayed to God but more times than not, I would think God only did miracles in Bible days. Is He really going to help us now?

Then this past month, everything changed. Brian has talked to several churches over the years. He has probably been considered by well over a 100 churches in some way, and for some reason that we did not understand, God blocked them, and the churches chose someone else. We couldn't understand why. What does God want us to do? How are we going to survive? About two months ago, I got called by a symphony and was offered a contract for most of the concerts for the 2011-2012 season. We thought well maybe God is going to start using me to help provide for the family instead of Brian, but then more things started happening. Brian has always applied for government positions as they opened up, but he has never been truly considered. He even applied for mail clerk at the Atlanta VA Regional Office, and they determined he did not have enough education for mail clerk! Then on August 19th, Brian received a phone call from the Atlanta Regional Office for the Department of Veterans Affairs asking him if he would come in for an interview on August 22nd. We were in total shock! He was going to actually be interviewing for a federal government position. He had interviewed with the state of GA several times this last year as well for state positions, but they never hired him which we just did not understand as he had all of the qualifications for the positions.

It was Sunday, August 21, 2011 that God started showing us that He was in control the entire time. Totally unexpected, Dr. Stanley decided to pray for all the unemployed in the congregation and that they would get jobs. I looked at Brian who was leaving the choir loft, and I was like what is God up to? I cannot describe the feeling, but when you have gone through what we have gone through ever since Brian was laid off as a teacher in Kentucky, the thought of thousands of people collectively praying that your husband gets a job the day before a big interview is overwhelming. I passed notes to Brian in the service asking him if God had told Dr. Stanley to do that prayer that day for a reason. Well, the next day Brian went into his interview. He had a great interview, but he was told that they were interviewing 100 people over the next two weeks for ten open positions and that they would not have a decision until mid-September. Many do not know this, but the following Thursday, Brian and I were actually at the Atlanta Regional office. A sweet family had offered to watch our kids so I could go with Brian to a doctor appointment at the VA hospital right next door, and after his appointment we went over to the regional office to drop off a paper for something related to his disability claim. While going through security, I got buzzed. I have no clue why. I have no metal on me. I will say the VA is much better than the TSA. Anyway, while there, I saw several people go through security who were being interviewed. It was tough because I knew all of these people were in competition with my husband for the same position. We went home that day, and I knew that if Brian was going to get this job, it would have to take an act of God. Well on Friday, August 26, 2011, a little after 5 pm, we received a phone call. The caller ID said US Government. I figured it was probably the VA calling back on something that the Washington DC office was researching on Brian's disability claim. I handed the phone to Brian. Once Brian was on the phone, I watched his eyes. I could tell that something big was happening. Then I heard Brian talking about start dates. When Brian got off the phone, the first thing he said (well maybe more like shouted) was "I'm hired!" Brian had been hired for a federal government position in just four days. That is unheard of and even Brian's vocational rehabilitation counselor was in shock when he told her the good news this past Monday. We also received all of his official paperwork this last Monday. It is official. He has his commit letter and all of his in processing paperwork. His start date is September 12th, but his actual official appointment date is September 11, 2011, and that was for us even more of God speaking directly to us.

I can remember to this day where we were September 11, 2001. Jonathan was just an infant. Brian was being medically discharged from the US Army and was actually at the post office taking an exam trying to get hired there so he would have employment right after his discharge. I had turned on the TV and thought I was watching a movie. Then I realized it was news, and just like the rest of America, my eyes were glued to the horror going on in New York, Pennsylvania, and the Pentagon. I remember Brian talking to me on the phone and saying he wished they could block the discharge. He wanted to stay in the service and help (he was a chaplain assistant and had been commissioned by the NAMB to be a chaplain). He knew it was going to change America permanently and he wanted to help, but he couldn't and it hurt. Our life went on after September 11th, just like everyone else's. Brian got a job working in a warehouse for which he was thankful but did not like of course. He eventually lost it though because his injuries were affecting his ability to do the job. Then he went into substitute teaching. That is when a principal told Brian she really thought he should consider a career in special education. He was great with disabled children. We found a Christian college in Kentucky who had an outstanding masters in special education program. He went to school, and the next year, he was hired by the largest school district in KY. He had a great job, and we were starting to get settled into a normal life. We bought a house, and life was going well. Then they moved him to a different school, and things went downhill. His principal was a micro-manager and the work situation was not fun at all. We were not surprised when the county laid him as well as 70 other special education teachers off and hired new teachers from another state in some agreement with the new superintendent in 2007. God used that to pull Brian back towards ministry though. He earned an income through contract work grading state assessments while focusing all of his education and training back onto ministry but to a new people group -- those with special needs. This is something he can do whether or not he is actually employed in a ministry position. We eventually had to sell our home back to the bank actually, and Brian applied for VA vocational rehab and events were orchestrated that led to our move back to Atlanta in 2009. It is hard to imagine we have been in Atlanta for over two years without Brian gainfully employed. When I look back at it, I realize that only God could have worked this out. Not knowing how you are going to pay your utilities or how you are going to have gas to get to church is not a fun feeling, yet it was something that we went through almost every month with some exceptions. We did have the time period where Brian did get a small increase in disability and we got a year of back-pay which gave us some money to help sustain us for a few months at least. Still despite all of his education and ministry training, still no church called. Brian could no longer work in education classrooms even as a sub because he was having so many issues with his back. Then for God to do what He has done and for Brian to get a wonderful job almost ten years to do the date of when he was medically discharged from the Army is just a God-thing. Only God could orchestrate events like that. I will always look at September 11th differently now. Yes, it was a huge national tragedy, but it also triggered so much growth for our family. God over the last ten years has taught us so much, and now September 11, 2011, God has finally given us closure. He has finally answered prayer and Brian is back to serving his country. It took ten years and there were more times than I can count when giving up seemed like the best option, but God was faithful and had a plan totally coming together that only He could orchestrate.

Some have asked do we have other prayer needs and the answer is definitely yes. Brian's doctor has been working very hard to adjust his medications so that they do not make him drowsy so he can easily work without issues. Please pray that what she has done will hold him over until we can use our new insurance and hopefully get on the right medications. He has been better this last week, and I think part of it is what she has done medication wise, but I think a bigger part is God. He is enabling Brian to be able to do what He needs him to do just like when Brian has been given the physical ability to lead worship rallies with children, etc. God enables a person to do what He has called them to do. We also still need prayers for provision. We do have utilities this month that we do not know how we will pay. We do not even know how we are going to have enough money for gas for Brian to get to work until he gets paid. We also have to be out of this house by October 13th and are not sure where or how we will move. Brian does have his current disability claim awaiting final decision which would potentially give us all we need to survive until his first paycheck, but it is held up and his file has now been moved to sensitive because he is an employee, so God is in total control. There is not a thing we, or even a senator can do. If God wants to bless us that way, He will, or maybe He has something else in mind. I will probably back out of the orchestra contract for this season because I just do not have a way of having the kids watched while I am out of town and Brian is at work, but I am OK with that. There is always another year and another time -- maybe when the kids are older. Those who know me well know I do believe that children thrive with having a stay at home parent, and our family has never wanted to have a two working parent household. A couple of days of me going out of town is not a big issue, but with us having to try to move at the same time, I just cannot be gone at such a stressful time. Obviously as the last ten years have shown, God's timing and plan are always the best. We could sit and focus on the circumstances and start to question God, but our focus should be on Him. Look at what He has done, and how far He has brought us. We will make it through this month.

I hope that this blog post can help encourage you no matter what you are going through. It could be a small issue or a huge issue. Please do not give up on God. He really does care, and He really is working everything out for your good even when it does not look like it. -- Jennifer

So it has been a while since we have posted on here.............

Ok, so it has been almost a year since we have posted on here. A lot has happened in that past year. We moved out of our house in December due to bad landlord issues and it causing kids to get sick and moved into a house that we were taking care of while it was on the market. When that house sold in April, we went into the most difficult time in the life of our family. We had no where to go. We were basically homeless. We lived in hotels and had to spend all that we had in savings just to survive. We even had two days where we lived in our van. That was probably what you would call hitting rock bottom. It was a very stressful time, but we also learned a lot during that time. We learned that a family can be a family no matter where they live. We also learned that God will get you through anything, but you have to remember that it is all in His timing and not ours. We couldn't understand why we were having such a difficult time finding a house. We met other families just like us. They were homeless and living in hotels. There are a lot more people out there than you think. They feel like they cannot go to anyone for fear that they will be judged. Americans in general have become so judgmental that they make opinions and assumptions of people based on their circumstances and don't know the entire story. We met families who had lost everything, and the only jobs they could find paid minimum wage which is not enough for any family to survive in America today. They then would put all they had into the hotel so that they would have a place to sleep at night, and so the cycle continued. Sadly, as our economy continues to go through this hard period, more and more hard working families are going to go through the same thing. Next time you hear of a family in need, perhaps you need to really hear the story. There may be a lot that you do not know and making assumptions hurts a lot of people. We do believe that God allowed us to go through this tough time so that we would have an understanding of families and the hurt that they go through so that when we are able, we can help families struggling and be able to minister to them without looking at them through judgmental eyes.
So after a month of living in hotels, God blessed us with the house that He was preparing for us. It was a house that was a perfect size for our family and in our budget (even though it is valued out of our budget). We now have a home that is 2800 square feet and is actually 3900 square feet if you include our basement. We have more rooms than we have furniture to fill them. This is a house that the owner is trying to wholesale to the bank as he can no longer afford it. The plan is for us to hopefully eventually buy this home, and if God provides and it is His will, this will be the home that we purchase. We will be able to buy it for less than it is worth which in today's economy is a very rare find. If for some reason, we cannot buy this home, we will be thankful for God allowing us to live here for however long He has planned. We live in a very safe neighborhood. Crime is non-existent, and it is just a safe place to raise a family. Our neighborhood is filled with a lot of other families many of which go to area churches around here.
Also just recently, Brian won his very long and overdo VA claim for disability increase. Does it solve our problems? No, but it is a step in the right direction. He lives every day in massive pain. He cannot go walk around a mall without having problems. He has to use the stroller as support. He cannot work a lot of the jobs available in today's economy due to his pain from his disability. His pain is getting worse and the VA doctors are having to go through all of the red tape that our government has in place before they can get him the help and specialists that he needs. He is also being provided with the evidence needed to fix his entire military discharge. He was honorably medically discharged, but they did not medically retire him. His unit was successful in basically messing it up (which they had threatened). We now have the opportunity to take his case before the Army Board, and they will look at all the evidence and decide whether or not he should have been given retirement.
Brian is still waiting for God to open and close doors when it comes to a ministry position. It is a tough lesson in patience especially when he knows beyond a shadow of a doubt what he is supposed to be doing. Sometimes it can be so easy to just give up, but that is what the devil wants him to do. He wants to cause so much discouragement that Brian cannot do what God has called him to do. Please just continue to keep our family in your prayers. We continually need God's provision and direction.
Anyway, this update pretty much sums up the past year. All of the kids are doing well, have stayed healthy, and are growing. Caleb has been such a joy. We will try to be better about updating this blog in the weeks and months to come. We have a big mission trip coming up in June so stay tuned for more information.

Here are some pictures of the new house and kids.

1 year old Caleb

2 1/2 year old Joshua

4 year old Stephen

5 1/2 year old Michael

7 1/2 year old Lilly

9 year old Jonathan

10 1/2 year old BJ

Our new house

Here are tons of pictures.

BJ is 9 1/2.

Jonathan is 8.

Lilly is almost 7.

Michael is almost 5.

Stephen is 3.

Joshua is just about 22 months.

Caleb is 5 weeks.

Meet Caleb Joseph Sersaw

When we found out we were expecting our 7th child, we didn't tell a lot of people. Too many people in this world are quick to judge and do not truly value human life. Think about it, if God creates life and He is in control of everything, how can we question Him or His timing? As Christians, we all stand against abortion. We believe in the sanctity of human life, but how many of us have been quick to judge or say something about larger families? Should those families be made to feel bad by others just because God blesses them with a new baby? Sadly, that happens and happens way too often in the pro-life community. Anyway, when we found out we were expecting Caleb, we did question God and His timing, but we knew that He has a plan for everything, and if He believed it was time for the Sersaws to have another child, then so be it (we secretly hoped he would be a girl though).

When we found out that Caleb was definitely a boy and would not be a girl, we told the kids. We were concerned about Lilly as she has been praying and praying for God to give her a baby sister. She handled the news rather well, and still to this day prays for a baby sister or for an opportunity to adopt a sister. All of course went well throughout the pregnancy except for some increased pain issues that were mainly attributed to my hip (two surgeries on left hip and there is an incorrectable deformity in the ball and socket joint). I just had to be more careful and realize that hopefully once Caleb was born all would go back to normal.

When I went to the doctor at almost 39 weeks, I was discouraged to find out I was only 1 cm dilated. I have always had our babies early and usually dilated to at least 2 cm by 36 weeks. The doctor said he was a little concerned that I was not appearing to be anywhere close to ready, but he wanted to give it another week and see what happened. He did do something that he said may help it a little. All I got out of it was more pain. Oh well.

On Friday, August 21st, the pain from my doctor appointment on the 19th still had not subsided. I also noticed that the normal braxton hicks contractions that I have from about seven months on were definitely getting stronger and started to wonder if maybe we would have a repeat of Joshua's birth -- labor on Friday and birth on Saturday. I contacted my mom to find out her plans for the day, and then said I didn't really think anything would happen. Mistake on my part. By 10:00 Friday evening, I was starting to have more pain -- nothing regular as usual. By midnight, I was counting to take my mind off the pain and figured if I were to go in, I could convince labor and delivery to let me stay. Plus, I love getting the epidural before anything is too bad. It really helps me with my hip and makes everything very easy. We tried to call my parents, but no one answered the phone. We continually tried all night long to no avail. I kept on saying I would just hold out, but we both knew that I probably should go in. According to my doctor, they didn't want me to go in until the contractions were five minutes apart and a minute long. I was not going to follow those rules though because I wanted an epidural earlier than that. We eventually got the kids up sometime after 4 on Saturday morning, August 22nd, and drove over to my parent's house and knocked on the door and rang the doorbell until they answered. We gave them the kids and headed to the hospital. By this point, I thought maybe the contractions were splitting or something. They were still 10 to 12 minutes apart, with pain lasting about 30 to 45 seconds but would come, go away, come back in 2 minutes, and then not come back again for another 10 minutes or so.

We got to the hospital and walked into Labor and Delivery. I was able to tell the nurse everything, and she told me to do all the standard changing, using the bathroom, etc. Well, I went to use the bathroom, had a contraction, and then the water broke. Now, I knew from experience that when the doctor breaks my water, I deliver within 30 minutes or less. I believe that I started to panic at this point as I still had no IV, no bloodwork, and no epidural. It may not matter to some, but when you have a hip problem, that epidural is a lifesaver when it comes to pain. We told the nurse that we thought my water broke, and she said she would check. I was only at 5 cm. This was probably around 5:45 to 6:00 in the morning. After that point though, every contraction was extremely painful and rather often. I am not sure which was worse -- the pain in my hips or the actual contractions. They got the IV in and ran the bloodwork, but when they checked me again, I moved from a 6 to an 8 in one contraction. The nurse said she may need to prepare for a nurse delivery. Luckily my doctor was nearby, and he was able to get to the room. I think I realized that I really wasn't going to get that epidural or anything, and I sort of panicked, but the doctor and staff, as well as Brian, were great at helping me through it all and Caleb was born at 6:27 in the morning. He was small but healthy. He did have a little bit of a problem transitioning, just like Joshua, but other than that he was perfectly fine at 5 pounds, 12 ounces, and 18 1/2 inches long. He has the darkest hair of all of our kids. He is so small right now that he swims in all of his clothes, but he is a sweet baby.

We are very thankful to God in all of this. He was in control of it all from day one. I could have easily had Caleb in the car, or somewhere else, but God let us get to the hospital in time. Who knows. Maybe he allowed him to be small on purpose -- to make it easier on me. Now we are in the recovery phase. I am having some severe issues with pain associated with my hips, but the doctors say we just have to give it time to see if it clears up on its own, or if we have perhaps had some damage done. We will just cross each bridge as we come to it. God always carries us through. We would not trade Caleb in for any other child, and our family loves him dearly. God has truly blessed us with seven wonderful, healthy children, and we look forward to all that He has in store for us in the years to come.

Thinking about children's ministry

I'm thinking that when it come to children's ministry I'll just aim lower, think smaller, give up, and have a cup of coffee (even though I don't own a coffee maker and rarely drink coffee anyway). Before you criticize me, please watch this video. -- Brian